dream diary

I'm reading a seinen manga called heated. It begins with this scene:

In the POV of a child boy and he's talking about how when people give you advice to deal with your issues but you are incapable of taking that advice, then you start to feel like the oneus is on you for not following it, when really it's their fault for trying to help you. He said that's what happened one day when he was sitting with his friends in the open trunk of a car, and suddenly lightning struck them and they all died. Except one girl, who fell across the car but didn't die.

As adults approached to try and help the girl, each adult would get struck with, it didn't seem like lightning, some white thick cloud would hit them from above and anyone who tried to approach her would immediately get hit by it and die. The girl sat in the middle of the carpark crying as more people formed a circle around the scene. A bystander man begins to shoot people who get too close to her.

It cuts to the adult man bystander's POV. It's another day. He's going around places to look for others like him. He approached a cat and, though the white cloud hit the cat, it is unaffected and so joins his team. He manages to find another man who is unaffected, and the girl from the beginning. They all seem to have some condition where anyone who approaches them would get hit by this cloud and die (except those who also have the condition)

I was at the beach sitting by the coast at night and a young girl (like 4-6 years old?) sat next to me. I asked if she was cold and she said yes so we hugged for warmth. I asked where her parents were and she pointed to two women and one man. I took her to them and they apologised for letting her "bother me" and I said it really was fine. The women were carrying lots of shopping bags, and insisted I take one. I kept refusing but the woman was very insistent, so I took one and left. When I got home and opened them, there was a letter inside that said they were "for Nicole, from Myah, which shocked me. Inside were large printed out versions of all my school pictures throughout my life. I felt scared and wondered why they knew me and how they got access to all these pictures.

I'm at a school, and I'm maybe eleven or twelve? It's like a princess school where we all wear pastel pink nightdresses and have light blonde hair which is curled and blowdried. The girl I'm sitting next to in class behaves strangely. I'm not really sure how to interpret her, but we're going on a school trip and the two of us stay talking in the class instead of following the line like we're supposed to and it's really nice, but we get in trouble and are told to join the line again so we do. We reach the hallway gate. I can see over the fence that the entire courtyard is filled with students on their last day of year thirteen. If this was real life they would be my age, but in this dream I am aware that they are much older than me. The girl runs onto the balcony facing them. I thought for a moment that she was just trying to look at the scenery, so I didn't chase after her, but she kept getting closer to the edge. Nobody was chasing after her, but I knew she was about to jump off. So I run after her but she falls off just as i'm about to grab her. I'm in a state of shock and fall against the wall shaking and panicking, but nobody is doing anything. Another classroom walk up the steps to the balcony and seem confused about why I'm crying, then seem surprised by the body but not surprised enough--they just continue walking. Her body appeared on the other end of the balcony, shaking and twitching, and I couldn't do anything but shake and cry.

I lived in a closed off, gated wooden village. I seemed to know everyone there and was very social. At the pub, the bathroom is in the basement, so I'm in there with a bunch of people and we're all talking, until monsters barge into the room. People are being eaten and I manage to run away and hide until the monster infestation has gone away. The monsters are around the size of bears and run around on all fours, but not like bears, more like spiders but they dont look like spiders. They're purple and green and blue. After the infestation has gone, I'm sitting at a cafe, on the second floor of this cozy wooden building, and this child and an older girl approach us, and I think they look really adorable and I say so out loud until I see that their faces have purple splotches on them, so the only thing to deduce is that they have been "infected" by these monsters. The person with me pushes them over the ledge of the second floor, and I help them. thinking about it now it has that sinister feeling of terrifying and cruel things happening but nobody recognising that theyre terrifying and cruel (Which I'm realising is a really common theme in my dreams?). Some time passes, and I'm back at that pub, and I keep trying to order a simple bowl of green peas but the man working there keeps giving me a bowl of peas with green triangles mixed in, and after the third time that he remakes it I just think whatever and take the peas. But suddenly I see in the distance that the gates are open, and the monsters are running in again. I run but I can't hide from them this time and I wake up just as they're about to reach me.

I'm at a school, not my former IRL one, and I'm studying for an A-Level exam in sociology outside on a bench. I can't get a single thing right and I start crying, and this teacher keeps walking up behind me every few minutes to remind me how important it is that I learn these sociology concepts. I decide to run away and climb a ladder into the school. It seems that the school isn't a school at all, but rather a collection of unfinished construction work where you can climb scaffolding into liminal rooms dedicated to different things. One of them is a sleep room where everyone is in sleeping bags--as soon as I walk in everyone wakes up and stands up quickly so I run out, but not before noticing a cat covered in some kind of black ink on the other side of the room, though it doesn't seem unhappy. Another room has a gorgeous glimmering waterfall with deep green shrubbery all around it, and I try to take a picture but my phone doesn't capture it. Then I walk into a pitch black room, though you can slightly see structures on the other side where a person is standing, and I leave quickly. While running around different rooms I meet other peopple who have also run away from studying and they seem very happy, but we all know we cannot get caught by the teachers here.

I'm sitting on a bench with my late uncle, my grandma, and my mum in russia. I have a lot to carry back home so I decide to take half of the stuff inside, then come right back for the rest. In this dream, Russia and England are geographically right next to each other and the bench and my home are right on the other sides of the border. Once i'm about to go back for the rest of my things, they close the border, and everything is chaos around it. They say there's a national emergency in Russia which they say they've evacuated everyone from, but I can't see my uncle, and somehow I know he's still at the bench because the area is too obscure for the government to look there. I try to get through the border gate and a government person lets me sneak through. It's very quiet on the other side of the border, and it looks like barren grassland. I google the area with the bench and they say the conditions there aren't survivable, and that there are glass shards soaring through the air. I see the picture and the air has turned red and there is a large shadow figure around lots of red hill-type structures? I understand that my uncle is stuck there alone, and I'm stuck in the empty and barren grassland between both borders.

A UFO appeared above my house and I took a picture and quickly texted my best friend the picture with just UFO as the message so she would know what happened, and turns out the alien abduction was actually this humanoid man who came out and anyone who he would get within a certain proximity to would dissapear

I'm 15 and have arrived at boarding school with 6 other girls I knew in real life in year 6-7. The boarding school was really beautiful and prestigious and we had gyms and a huge dining room for just 8 people. I think the school specialised in ballet? I was so excited to have all of these things and felt that living there was so perfect, and I kept thinking that "all along I was supposed to go to boarding school, but at least I'm here now". We had a very strict uniform and I remember finding comfort in how strict things were, though when I wore a lilac tshirt instead of the white tshirt like I was supposed to, nobody seemed to notice despite me being very stressed about getting changed as soon as possible.

I ask one of the girls what her first impression of me was in year six, and she said she found me very unsocial and strange and I agreed but told her that i've grown up and am different now. I open instagram and lots of people from my old schools are requesting to follow me despite me never being close to those specific people, plus one girl who I don't recognise but I can see from the backgrounds of her pictures that she's from my grandma's village in russia. I consider asking her how she knows me but decide that would be a weird question to ask.

I was acting as cinderella in a play and I did not know a single line, except nobody in the audience seemed to notice, and my glass heels kept breaking so I was walking on my tiptoes to pretend they hadn't.

I kept waking up and falling asleep and having a new dream each time, though they seem slightly connected

dream 1: I'm at a school, though none of my classmates are from my actual past and seem to exist only for this dream. I'm walking on the grass and a girl is sitting on her own and she has a red-dyed buzzcut and chubby cheeks, and we start making random smalltalk but I don't want to be speaking to her (though its less that she is pressuring me to stay there, but more that I just cannot leave, like this is where I'm supposed to be) and I keep thinking about the group of people sitting on a nearby bit of grass who keep looking at me and who I want to sit with. she misunderstands something I say and I correct her, but I accidentally sound annoyed when i say it, and she gets so angry I run away and she tries to kill me. There's a timeskip and I'm walking on my usual route to the cafe by some warehouses and many ambulances drive past me. When I get to school I am in a changing room with showers and the girl who tried to kill me has killed herself, and her body is just laying in one of the shower cubicles and nobody is doing anything about it but we are all very aware of it's presence. They're scurrying around in the chaos of her death but nobody is doing anything about her body. I somehow understand that she was mentally ill and that is why she became so aggressive. somehow I know that it is my fault she killed herself, because her violence towards me started a domino effect and that everyone knows it is my fault. Rather than feeling guilty I feel embarassed and uncomfortable.

dream 2 (seems to bridge the worlds of dream 1 and 3?):I'm in a fancy lounge restaurant thing. There's a woman there who begins speaking to me in Russian and I speak back and she says "you do not sound like a Russian speaker" and I say "I just have an accent" and we continue speaking in Russian. More people arrive, and the rest is hazy but I remember she begins to try and kill us and becomes almost feral though she retains the polished femininity of a stereotypical Russian woman. At the end of the dream she returns back to normal, and I understand somehow that I am the reason she was able to return to normal, and she apologises for acting the way she did, and I understand there is an illness that makes people turn murderous during certain hours. Looking back, this may be what happened to the girl in dream 1.

dream 3: I'm at the cul-de-sac I used to live in during my early adolescence, except all my neighbours are different, and my younger brother is a random boy from my old school who is wearing an earring that I'm very stressed he will lose, and is playing basketball with some other boys at the end of the cul-de-sac. I know that I am supposed to walk to each house and ask for £2, and in return I keep giving them this strip of paper that unravels like a toilet roll but is the material of a paper receipt. All my neighbours have very eccentric personalities. First everyone is very happy to give me £2 but the longer I progress the more I feel that I am scamming them and so I start making excuses like asking for £2 because it will contribute to my dream of going to a performance school, and everyone is still very happy and willing to give me £2 with no further questions. At the last house I get to, there are suddenly all my neighbours around me and I think of the idea that, for this last house, we should play a game where we each give our reasons for receving £2 and whoever gets voted to receive the £2 should get it. We end up playing a game instead, where people keep pointing at each other and then understanding who they should point at next, but I don't understand the game and they ignore me when I can't understand it, and even though nobody seems to notice my confusion I still feel that I am doing something very wrong by not understanding.

My parents and I are at a train station, trying to get from the south of England to the north of England. we get off at the wrong stop and my phone tells me that I am in the time zone of Mexico, though we realise we are in Cyprus. We are about to buy a new ticket and a plane crashes in the close distance. It explodes and I see the dark shadows of burnt corpses screaming and I cover my ears. The train station has turned into an airport. In the opposite direction, another plane crashes, and the roof of the airport is now gone, as if we are in the rubbles of a bombed building. I think that all the planes in the country are crashing at once. I'm a bit uncomfortable but I don't feel scared, since I seem very sure that my life is not at risk.

i could enter this world of deep, vibrant blue, the colour my mind seems to wander to right before i fall asleep--the one that reminds me of ichiko aoba's song "fuwarin" because it seems like her song would echo quietly around such a room. there was an initial entrance with a middle room and two rooms on either side and it was like a temple, and the middle room had ap ortal. after "she" (?) died, the portal stopped working, and i was running around the temple's corridors in tears. i went to another room, similarly giant and deep vibrant blue but it was like a giant children's climbing area (like the ones they have in malls), but it was so large it seemed like a whole society lived inside it, and i wondered those climbing areas in grief. i remember thinking, younger me would have loved to have these quiet, deep blue rooms, how lucky am i to have these rooms just for me, walking here feels so wonderful and light. i woke up craaving so badly to go there, and that i wanted to read book 4 of the aeneid, because dido must have rushed around carthage feeling the same way.

I was in squid game but all the games were different, and the person in charge was an eccentric lady who looked like my year 7 teacher. Suddenly she decided "everyone on this side of the room will die!" and shot everyone on my side of the room, but because someone fell on top of me while dying she didn't see me and I didn't get shot. My name was still registered as "eliminated" so I knew I had to sneak around from that point. I decided my new goal was to destroy the games. There's an all-knowing mermaid in the middle of this giant hall and I ask for advice and she's helping me. While sneaking around I end up in a dance practice room which has nothing to do with the story but it gave me such intense deja vu i still feel weird about it after waking up...